I am just going to politely skip the fact that I have not blogged in a really long time, and get straight to the point.
I have been reading an awesome, amazing, stunning, life-changing book called Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy. I have fallen in love with all of the Ludy's books.
The part I just finished in the book was called no strings attached. Oh how simple the tittle sounds, and yet how hard the concept. In this chapter it was talking about giving ALL up for Christ. Your life, your love, your dreams. This may seem like a pretty basic concept, but it is really oh so hard to grasp in reality. Even though I have been thinking the whole summer about giving my ENTIRE life to God (and have told Him He could have it on a number of occasions). I did not truly realize all this meant, till I finished reading this chapter. ( I will probably never, honestly, grasp what it means to give my all, only Christ has done that, on the cross, but I can try.) I realized that even though I had told God that He could have my life,every part of it, including my love life, and my future husband, I was totally missing the point! Yes, in a way I was giving it up to Him, but I had strings attached. I was saying, "God here is my life, take it, do what you want with it, but in return, I would love a husband, and some children would be nice also." That, is most definitely not giving up everything. When Christ died on the cross for me, He did not say, give me _____ in return. He just did it. Without thinking He would ever, in anyway, be repaid. THAT is truly giving up EVERYTHING. And THAT is what I want to do. I want to give up all for Him. But NOT because I want something in return. I need to EXPECT to be single. Yes, you did hear that right. Expect. Every ounce of me has to agree that, yes, I will be perfectly content if God never brings a man my way, EVER. And then I need to Love God. Love Him passionately, self-lessly, without expecting ANYTHING in return. Just love Him because He is God. Even if my future was going to hell, I still desire to love Him, praise Him, and give my life for Him. And yes, everything I said above i meant. I have given up marriage. If God ever blesses me with the precious gift of marriage, I will thank Him. But if He doesn't, I will STILL thank Him with the same CONTENT heart. I want God to take every selfish seed in my heart, reveal it to me, and pluck it away. Yes, this will most certainly be painful. Probably the most painful thing I have ever experienced. But guess what. That is what God deserves. That, and even more. And I don't want a single ounce of me to hold back. Cause I want to give Him my ALL. EVERY part of me. including my hopes and dreams. including marriage, and even Children.
So God, please give me Your dreams. Take all of mine. Every. last. one.